Personal

The existential crises of a seeker.

There are probably various understandings and definitions of “the seeker”, perhaps as many perceptions as humans, but in the end I’m sure we can agree that “the seeker” is a curious being that never stops his/hers search.

I am a seeker. I question everything. As amusing as that may sound, it’s sometimes what I would define as my own personal hell. For a good while now I’ve found myself in a existential crises. You must understand that the question relating to my existence has always been a subject to my mind, but this crises moved it up to the top of my every day self communication.

“What’s the meaning of my life?”

“What do I want in life?”

“Who do I want to be?”

..Are questions that repeat themselves daily. These are all relevant questions that I’m sure we all ask ourselves at some point, but this is driving me crazy. I know that I am not content with the life I am currently living. I want more. There must be more. I don’t mean materialistic things, I mean soul food. Fulfilment. A bigger sensation within myself.

I’ve been through endless books, podcasts and what ever source available to find the answers to these questions – not in a direct manner, but to find patterns and methods for how to move along and find to a more fulfilling place in myself. Some are helpful, some are not. Some inspire me and some just build up frustration. I’ve gotten to a point where I know I have to change the foundation of how I live my life and I know where I want to be (or don’t want to be), I just don’t know how to get there or what I want to do. And it’s paralysing. It’s like trying to find a needle in a dark, unknown room. Where do one start?

In the back of my mind I hear the echoes of unnamed souls who whisper “you’re 30 now, settle down”. Ugh. If you had any remote idea of how painfully untraditional I am at the core of my being, even just suggesting to whisper those words would make you shutter. It actually makes me feel very alone in this world when close relations don’t grasp the fact that we don’t view life’s fruits the same way. The lack of acceptance for a different world view. I mean, I’m ok with both viewing life differently and the fact (as mentioned in an earlier post) that we are alone in this life, but the distance is greater when the acceptance isn’t returned. I am truly happy for everyone who found their happiness and fulfilment with in the social code and values of their society, truly. I’m just not one of you.

So now what? Well, I came to a realisation earlier today while meditating. I’ve forgotten what I enjoyed as a child. I don’t know what I like anymore. To know what I like and want, I must do new things. Right? The answer is so easy that is almost painful that it took me so long to figure out. I felt like that time I tried to figure out my MacBook for the first time: so simple it makes you feel stupid. So here’s to trying new things! Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not the answer to my existents or necessarily my crises, but I do welcome and appreciate any form of movement into my life.

I don’t think I am alone in this problem. How many of us truly knows the intention and motive of how we go about our daily life? Do you ever ask yourself why you do what you do? Do you truly do it for your own happiness or do you live your life from the outside looking in? I mean, what defines success for instance? Is it to reach a state of life where you as a being is fulfilled or is it a state of life where you are glorified by others? We live in a society where we live parts of our life’s so openly and it’s so set by the reactions of others. You know, what is given can always be as easily taken away. I don’t mean that we’re not depended on each other, I mean that there is a difference in our intentions from what we do. I know, for me this is true, that no one else can ever make me truly happy. I can find someone to compliment my life and happiness, but no one can ever be my happiness. That is a recipe for disaster. The same goes for my way of life. I can not depend on the confirmation of others to show me my path of life – then it isn’t really my life I am living is it?

I could go on about this subject for hours, but I’m going to cut it short here and go back to my Sunday brooding and seeking. If you have any good suggestions to new and fun things to try, please don’t hesitate to leave a comment. It’s very much welcomed.

Have a lovely Sunday.

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Norwegian social codes

Norwegian social codes: Dating, relationships and sexuality.

Dating has always been a movie-concept for me. Not because it doesn’t happen, it’s just not how our romance culture is built in Norway. If we can call it romance. We don’t even have a Norwegian word for dating, which is why we call it *drumbeat*: Dating. Norwegians go about finding partners in another order than going on dates – but it has definitely become more normal to be in the dating game here as well. So how do we find a partner and how does dating work in Norway? I’m going to take you through the Norwegian way of dating, explain how and why the concept of dating has become more of a normal thing and why chivalry is dead.

Let’s start with how we come in contact with potential partners.

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In my lifetime I’ve seen the development from our normal ways and into the concept of dating. You see, we’ve had two ways of making human contact. Earlier (and now for that matter) Norwegians would find a potential partner at the bar, take them home and if the chemistry hits – they might meet again. Later that might grow in to a relationship. The other way is through a common social setting like a workplace or school. In this setting you would get to know the other person a little, take them home and go through the same development as the bar-alternative. That, or you’ll have a really awkward setting at work for the time to come. Now, with all the dating apps available there’s a third option thrown into the mix: Random dating. Which consists of chatting for a long, long time through the app until both parties has worked up the courage to set up a date (unless it’s just for a fun night out. Shit, we sound like a slutty kind of people).  The development often go as the other alternatives, but it has become more common to go on several dates to see if the interest is thriving.

“Why?” you might wonder. I’ve written a little bit about this before: We are a very introverted people, in lack of a better word for it. We don’t openly socialize with strangers. We stick to our social comfort zone and we let loose over drinks (You can read that post -> here <-). Which might put you on to the question of how we can go home with strangers.. Our sexuality is another story. I’m theorizing here, but as a gender equal country, we are very free when it comes to sexuality and relationships. Actually, Norwegians rarely marry in comparison to other nationalities. We’re not dependent on marriage to live a fulfilling life. Our society is built on gender equality, which means:

1. Equal opportunities

2. Equal rights

…..In our society we’ve also focused upon the strengthening of women. In every position possible. As a Norwegian female you don’t really have to depend on anyone other than yourself.  Actually, in this day and age there are more females than males in higher education. Women here are career driven. I would say that we are free, in every aspect of life. Ah, the freedom of choice. There has been a lot of bickering about low birthrates and so on – often blamed on this.  Anyway, our sexuality is relaxed and free – because we can. And it’s been like this for as long as I can remember. Same with nudity. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself at a nudist beach.. There’s a lot of them. Norwegians like to be naked for some reason. So the whole sexuality aspect isn’t really a big deal to Norwegians.

What this does do though is kill the chivalry. Chivalry in Norway is dead. the concept of equality has, in my opinion, been confused with gender roles. I’m not saying that one should have them, we certainly do not, but it really kills off romance. Gender roles in romance is nice, I’m not going to lie. I think we just haven’t found a way to have equally strong genders in a romantic setting. It creates insecurities – I guess. I’m being very harsh here, it’s not like everyone is like this , but it is a part of our social concept and our culture. On the other hand we do divide everything between us when in a relationship, so both parties contribute the same.

So now you know our socially awkward dating ways. It pretty much goes like this: Boy meets girl, the hookup, relationship develops, they move in together and live happily ever after dividing stuff equally – maybe. And that’s it.

På gjensyn!