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The courage of kindness.

We are all individuals travelling our personal journeys, consciously or not. Either we are lost in the dark or travel with intention. Both on a mental and emotional plane, effected by a physical world. Coloured by our surroundings, other individuals journeys and the world as a collective whole. The people we surround ourselves with effects us more than we might be aware of. The individuals we meet throughout our life, no matter the circumstances or the timespan, leaves memories and scars. They might even change our course of direction without us realising.

We move in an inner and outer world of chaos and order. Mostly chaos some might say. We need chaos. Without it, there is no order. Without chaos we don’t evolve. We can draw this train of though even further. We can insert the terms good and evil. With this I’m not trying to take us down the path of the hero and the villain, but the path of understanding that our perception of ourselves and the world can be experienced as a good and a bad. We experience joy and suffering, and we need both to know the other. With that said, and I do have point to this, we don’t need to make others suffering a worse experience in an already chaotic circumstance. We don’t need to be cruel, evasive or indifferent towards the people we meet in our paths. I think we sometimes have our heads so caught up with our own circumstances and our own journey that we forget that the individuals we meet carry the same emotional and experiential system as us. Most people have some association to the term Butterfly effect – in the sense of the movie or the actual term itself. I believe we all carry the butterfly effect with us every single day and just to clarify:

In chaos theory, the butterfly effect is the sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a small change in one state of a deterministic no linear system can result in large differences in a later state.

And this would be the right place to insert:

If you can be anything in this world, be kind.

In which I do believe by the way, but there is more to it than just flat out kindness. It’s about awareness. Are you aware that your words and actions can change someone else’s course? That your flakiness, evasiveness and fear might create a whole new dimension of chaos in someone else’s journey? – or kind and genuine words for that matter. That our selfishness and fear of hurting cause even more pain on the other side of the coin? Why can’t we, as a collective and as individuals, be more aware of each other? Be more genuine and honest, both with ourselves and with others. Think about how we effect others just as much as they effect us? Tune up that empathy and really consider what it would be like to walk in the other persons shoes? Stop being so damn judgemental all the time? Ok, I am painting this with grim colours, but the thing is that most people don’t realise that what they do, or even what they don’t do, can cause a great change in someone’s life. It’s not about stripping away chaos, because being aware and doing the genuinely right thing might not be as pleasant as just avoiding it all. But the avoiding adds mass to the already grim chaos. And wouldn’t it be nice if we all, just even one percent, had a slight approval in our meetings with the outside world?

The reason I’m hesitant about just throwing out quotes about kindness here and there as an effort enough, is that I’m not really sure if we’re all on the same page when it comes to defining what kindness really means. I often see the invisible parallells drawn between kindness and people pleasing – and kindness has nothing to do with pleasing others. Being kind is not about boundlessness. Kindness is about coming from a place of love. Love for yourself and/or for others – and from a place of awareness and understanding that your actions, as small as a butterfly’s wing stroke, can create a storm elsewhere. As I read this back I see that we would benefit from a definition of love as well, but that might take a series of posts to get through, so I think I will leave it at that and move on to my point:

If we could give to others what we wish for ourselves, we might just make every individuals journey a more pleasant voyage. Or just what Jesus said:

Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.

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Personal

The twinkle in our eyes.

The world is full of magic things, waiting for our senses to grow sharper.

..But somewhere along the way they weakened. When did we stop viewing the world with amazement and stars in our eyes?

I’ve spent a good amount of time with my nephew lately. He is very new to this world and everything is a beautiful mystery to him. I see the twinkle in his eyes when he discovers a new sound or something as simple and common as a leaf on the pavement. He gets so excited and explodes from the joy of sharing it. It makes me wonder… when do we forget the magic of the world? When is it that we are to busy and occupied to see the beauty right in front of us? The joy of simple enjoyment and to get excited about life for the purpose of life itself?

Now, this is a generalisation of course, I know there to be creative, joyful souls out there who brings delight to us through their stories, music and art every single day. It’s when I look at people from my window seat at a cafe, the bus ride to work or simply at instagram that I loose faith. Can we even be more alike? It’s the importance of being busy, accurate, socially correct, materialistically successful, feigned and like everyone else that makes me feel and live the contrast to the genuinely happy spirit of my nephew.

It makes me sad that we somewhere a long the way loose our childlike spirit and get groomed into depressing adults chasing trophies for others to admire – like we really care. What’s the importance? And why do we care so much about other people’s admiration?

It’s not to be admired that gives true happiness. It is to admire the greater and the most simple things in this world and in life.

I for one am gonna let my nephews enthusiasm rub off on me as long as I can.

I’ll start by enjoying these covers against my skin and stretch out in bed – just because I can!

Truly enjoy your Saturday ❤

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Personal

Horsing around

The day finally came: I got back on the horse! Horses was my favourite activity as a child and I took it very seriously. It’s ridiculous that I’ve waited twenty years to get back into it.

Martine and I contacted a Horse Center close to us and was given the opportunity to come by for a ride – and make it more permanent, which we will. But my god I am rusty! I need to read up, practice and get back into the whole deal, because there’s a lot of things to think about while handling a horse. I was very happy that I was given such a beautiful gelding, I could not have asked for a better horse. His name is Neptun and he put his head on my chest during our grooming session, which was such a beautiful moment. He is a Polski Konik and a very kind man – even if he takes every opportunity to ravish every bush in his way.

It took a while for me to get into the rhythm of Neptun and get comfortable, but now all I can think about is our next ride. I’m completely in love with riding all over again and just the smell of the stables brought back a flash of memories. I’m so glad that I have Martine to share this with and that we both enjoyed ourselves so much!

I’m definitely back to my childhood wish of getting a horse now and have decided that I will – when I’ve decided where I want to settle down in the future. Horses are such beautiful animals with the most amazing souls. Just being around them makes me immensely happy and calm.

I guess we can round this up to mission successful. One step closer to a long lost passion.

I hope you have an amazing Friday as well and all the best wishes for your weekend. Thank you for stopping by.

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Personal

The existential crises of a seeker.

There are probably various understandings and definitions of “the seeker”, perhaps as many perceptions as humans, but in the end I’m sure we can agree that “the seeker” is a curious being that never stops his/hers search.

I am a seeker. I question everything. As amusing as that may sound, it’s sometimes what I would define as my own personal hell. For a good while now I’ve found myself in a existential crises. You must understand that the question relating to my existence has always been a subject to my mind, but this crises moved it up to the top of my every day self communication.

“What’s the meaning of my life?”

“What do I want in life?”

“Who do I want to be?”

..Are questions that repeat themselves daily. These are all relevant questions that I’m sure we all ask ourselves at some point, but this is driving me crazy. I know that I am not content with the life I am currently living. I want more. There must be more. I don’t mean materialistic things, I mean soul food. Fulfilment. A bigger sensation within myself.

I’ve been through endless books, podcasts and what ever source available to find the answers to these questions – not in a direct manner, but to find patterns and methods for how to move along and find to a more fulfilling place in myself. Some are helpful, some are not. Some inspire me and some just build up frustration. I’ve gotten to a point where I know I have to change the foundation of how I live my life and I know where I want to be (or don’t want to be), I just don’t know how to get there or what I want to do. And it’s paralysing. It’s like trying to find a needle in a dark, unknown room. Where do one start?

In the back of my mind I hear the echoes of unnamed souls who whisper “you’re 30 now, settle down”. Ugh. If you had any remote idea of how painfully untraditional I am at the core of my being, even just suggesting to whisper those words would make you shutter. It actually makes me feel very alone in this world when close relations don’t grasp the fact that we don’t view life’s fruits the same way. The lack of acceptance for a different world view. I mean, I’m ok with both viewing life differently and the fact (as mentioned in an earlier post) that we are alone in this life, but the distance is greater when the acceptance isn’t returned. I am truly happy for everyone who found their happiness and fulfilment with in the social code and values of their society, truly. I’m just not one of you.

So now what? Well, I came to a realisation earlier today while meditating. I’ve forgotten what I enjoyed as a child. I don’t know what I like anymore. To know what I like and want, I must do new things. Right? The answer is so easy that is almost painful that it took me so long to figure out. I felt like that time I tried to figure out my MacBook for the first time: so simple it makes you feel stupid. So here’s to trying new things! Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not the answer to my existents or necessarily my crises, but I do welcome and appreciate any form of movement into my life.

I don’t think I am alone in this problem. How many of us truly knows the intention and motive of how we go about our daily life? Do you ever ask yourself why you do what you do? Do you truly do it for your own happiness or do you live your life from the outside looking in? I mean, what defines success for instance? Is it to reach a state of life where you as a being is fulfilled or is it a state of life where you are glorified by others? We live in a society where we live parts of our life’s so openly and it’s so set by the reactions of others. You know, what is given can always be as easily taken away. I don’t mean that we’re not depended on each other, I mean that there is a difference in our intentions from what we do. I know, for me this is true, that no one else can ever make me truly happy. I can find someone to compliment my life and happiness, but no one can ever be my happiness. That is a recipe for disaster. The same goes for my way of life. I can not depend on the confirmation of others to show me my path of life – then it isn’t really my life I am living is it?

I could go on about this subject for hours, but I’m going to cut it short here and go back to my Sunday brooding and seeking. If you have any good suggestions to new and fun things to try, please don’t hesitate to leave a comment. It’s very much welcomed.

Have a lovely Sunday.

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Personal

The 10 most important things I’ve learned throughout my life.

Life is all about lessons. We learn as long as we live. It’s the core of how we stay in movement, develop and unfold ourselves. I find myself grateful for every decision I’ve made, it’s consequences and the lessons that I’ve learned from them – both good and bad. It’s what has taken me on the path I am today. Some stick deeper then others of course, but I wanted to share the 10 most important things I’ve learned in life so far and maybe you will recognise some of these lessons yourself.

1. Life is a first-person story. Everyone makes decisions from their point of view and the place that they are in at that point in time. It’s so easy to point fingers and be judgemental, but at the core of this it’s important to remember that we all see life through our own eyes. We don’t really know everyone’s story or the reasoning behind other people’s behaviour and choices. Be kind.

2. Appreciation is key. It’s not always easy, but to be grateful for your experiences are important for your wellbeing. There is always something to learn and with time, reflection and the right focus you will come to see that. Appreciate the little things if you find the bigger things hard at first. The more you are grateful for, the more you get to be grateful for. Personally I’ve got a whole notebook dedicated to gratefulness.

3. There will always be people who don’t wish you well. Solution: bye.

4. Mistakes are to be made. We need chaos to know order, like we need sadness to know what it’s truly like to be happy. Mistakes are to be made, but don’t ever let them define you as a person. You MAKE mistakes, you’re not A mistake. An important difference.

5. An accident rarely arrive in ones. When shit hits the fan is usually a shitfest. Breathe.

6. The people who truly love you will always have your back. The best thing about the worst time of your life is that you get to see people’s true colours. (Ref nr.3)

7. Always trust yourself. You’re eyes are easily blinded, but your gut feeling knows. Always.

8. Letting go is the ultimate freedom.

9. If it cost you peace of mind, the price is to high. (Ref nr.8)

10. Change is inescapable. You can choose to make it painful or you can welcome it and the joy it can bring in to your life, either way it is bound to happen.

I’ll round it off with the ultimate life advice:

don’t let anyone talk you out of it.

Thank you for stopping by.

x

Norwegian culture, Personal

Making a home.

A home is more than a house. Or apartment for that matter. Yes, we need walls and doors, but a home – to me – is a reflection of the individual. Some like colours, some are creative, some like minimalism, some are classical, some are trendy, some are messy and some are super clean. A home can tell you a million things about a individual. Their character, their priorities, their habits. An American familymember told me that Norwegian homes looks like catalogue material and in all honesty there is a reason for that. I’m not saying all Norwegians are super clean and high levelled interior designers, believe me we are not, but in all fairness we do spend a good amount of time indoors during winter. We like it cozy, we’re pretty much stuck in there. It’s a home, not a house.

As you know I recently bought an apartment and I am super excited to make it my home – once all the mess is over (I’ll get back to that later, when the mess is over). I went a little overboard meeting some obstacles and took comfort shopping to a whole new level. I bought furniture! With nowhere to put it. Buuut.. I’m super happy to share with you some of the stuff I got – to give you an idea about how it will look in the end.

I’ve been drooling over this chandelier and sofa for well over a year. I knew I had to have them long before I even found a place to put them in. I’m very happy to say that these beautiful pieces of art has already arrived and I can’t wait to put them in my (hopefully soon) totally renovated apartment! I bought this piece last summer and it will be lovely with the sofa:

I like my furniture calm and settling, but magnificent. That way I can play with the details with out having the room scream at me. And change things up without having to spend money like a duke. Like these coffe mugs. And candlelight’s. And paintings. And all other stuff to decorate with. Now this isn’t my most colourful picture, but I do like to sneak in some colour here and there.

My focus these days is first of all to get things in order, but I do like to browse the internet for possible additions every now and again. Currently looking for a dining room table with some Scandinavian designed chairs to go with my soon coming black kitchen. Got any good websites I can visit? I’ll gladly take some tips!

I am really excited to create my home and I’m very excited to share my vision with you. I just can’t wait to show you the finished result in the future.

..and to be drinking my coffee, snuggling on my choice of a kitchen counter. But this will be it for now.

Thank you for stopping by. Again, if you have some good tips for websites please share in the comments. It’s much appreciated ❤

x

Personal

A personal journey: The story I wouldn’t share and my most vulnerable moments.

You’re stuck and everything you want is sitting right there in front of you, out of reach.. you crave change with an unsatisfactory hunger and the only thing between you and what you want is your minds limits. I broke it. I took it. All at once.

These last few months have brought massive change for me. It all started a couple of years ago when my long term relationship broke in a very ugly way and my whole world crushed in to a million pieces. Not because of the relationship itself, but because all I thought to be true – like friends and the revelation of characters that I had been surrounding myself with – turned out to be as fake as a three dollar bill. I’m not going to paint myself as a saint here, because I wasn’t, but I find it extremely fascinating how flawed individuals can take the moral high ground in other people’s lives like they’ve never stained themselves. It’s fascinating how morally superior some suddenly get, even knowing that their sheet isn’t clean at all. When fingers are pointed at your flaws and they actually mirror their own. Fascinating. Anyway, I did a massive relations clean out and the time following was very uneasy with a lot of noise from my past life. A vendetta actually. At the very same time I started a new relationship, new relations, a new job and I moved houses. It took my attention away from the noise and I got to refocus, heal a little and grow. I’m very grateful to all the people who were there for me in this time of massive disappointment, grief and heartache. Thank you.

In this time I also distracted myself enough to leave some stuff unhealed, which later came back to haunt me. You see, a few moths ago it all tipped over. Ten years in a bad relationship with both a bad beginning, middle and end, the cruelty of friends I trusted, those who did nothing (and I mean nothing! Which is almost worse) and the pattern of me waiting for others to come around. Adjusting. Hoping for the hopeless. Putting myself a side. I was angry, massively angry and completely done with dancing to anyone else’s tune. I developed severe anxiety. I was depressed. I was down for the count. I think I wore the same t-shirt for weeks.. and I didn’t leave the house. Again, I’m very grateful to you who were there for me and took care of me in this time when I wasn’t capable myself.

I am still not completely where I want to be and I am still healing, but I did decide to make some changes. I did draw my ideal life and I have reached almost every single intention in my desire map. People get surprised over my decision making in this time of need and healing, but to be honest the timing has never been better. Things have never been clearer and I have never been more determined than I am in this moment of time. I started travelling again. I started writing again. Working out again. Painting. I bought a home. I (we) broke off my relationship (we are still friends and I will hold him close to my heart forever, he saved me in many ways and I love him dearly). The difference this time is that all of this is not a distraction, it’s with clarity and intent from my hearts desire. I learned from my downfall what really mattered to me and that soulfood and intentions are more important than any ideal presented from the outside world. And to be honest; it feels both scary as hell and wonderful at the same time, but most importantly it feels right. Even if some of it hurts.

If there is one thing I’ve learned from all of this it is that: Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as being stuck somewhere you don’t belong.

Thank you for reading.

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