Self-development is hard work. It’s a journey that never ends, but most of all the journey requires some extra loops to navigate through deep waters. One of the most efficient things I have done for myself in self-development and depression-recovery is to travel alone. The vulnerability this puts me in and the heightened sound of my thoughts forces me to work harder with myself in solitude. It is a tough one, but it does bring results. Because my emotions are heighten, I cannot escape the observance of how they come into being, and that is the most valuable information I’ve learned about myself while travelling alone.
My recent journey put me in a very uncomfortable situation. I found myself in relation to another person which ended as surprisingly as it came into existence. Now, this in itself isn’t a challenge, it was the out-of-nowhere situation that caught me off guard. Or maybe the signs where there and I didn’t see them, but in retrospect: analysing these signs isn’t my priority. Anyway, I completely snapped. I was so angry and hurt. I don’t even know this person, only superficially, and I lashed out. Shit happens and, even if this person probably think I’m a wacko, that’s ok. The point is, I was such a mess over nothing and the feeling stuck in my chest was so intense. Indescribable by words, but all so familiar.
I’ve felt this before.
It’s an unbearable feeling and horrific situation to stand in and I asked myself “where does this come from?! WHY am I feeling this way over such a small deal?!”. As the rainbow-macca-sunshine that I am, I decided to meditate on this emotional situation and rest be assured: it came to me.
It was a triggered emotional flashback.
I knew exactly where it came from, the causes of it and why the intensity was so unbearable. I knew then how self-destructive this has been for me and how frequent this flashback has been. I knew, right there and then, one of the most controlling forces of my unconscious self and how it has contributed negatively to my conscious life!
I had an epiphany.
This thing, which I never knew of, had haunted me for so long. Effected me, for so long. Every time the trigger went off, I had lashed out and emotionally broken down. Coming to this revelation made me feel so empowered and capable. It gave me perspective. But it also made me think about everyone else out there who might be carrying this with them throughout their life, like me, without having a clue that they are doing it. Which brings me to question:
Do you know your emotional triggers?
Would you like to know how to deal with this?
Leave a comment below to let me know.
Self-development is hard and anything but a sphere of peachy, but it is all so empowering when progress is made. We all deserve to know ourselves and to be a better person towards ourselves and others.