Life is such an interesting journey. I think many of us are so caught up in other peoples lives, that we forget to live our own. That we block opportunities and direction. We compare. I used to to that. Then I had a period of being to caught up in my own stuff. My negative stuff. The past year has been an internal rollercoaster where I was constantly hungry for external stimulation, like traveling. Experiencing, anything, really. And then by the end of fall, it all turned quiet. Stillness.
I was afraid of that. Stillness. It stared as a wave of boredom. I’m not sure wave is the right allegory, due to the energy build up that makes a wave. It was more of an energy build down, which hit its bottom by the new year. I’ve been in a hibernation of some kind for a little while, simultaneously as I’ve had so much going on in my physical life. It has been overwhelming. I even had a small relapse of people pleasing. But yesterday I tumbled upon a song that spoke to my heart and soul, and everything just lifted. Everything about it just spoke so directly to my being and I felt free. Free of worry, free of judgement, free of myself. It made me realize that I have been chasing, something, blindly in pure spite. Chasing to keep movement. I know why I’ve done it. I have got a couple of things going on in my life in which I have no control over, that I worry about, and I distract myself from. I distract myself from being angry. From fear of failure. But when I listened to that song, it all just clicked. The pieces fell into place. Internally.
None of this might make any sense to you, but I wanted to share the song, because it just shifted something in me that I am highly grateful for.