A strong statement, I know, because we are all fed with the ideal of unconditional love. Which is very much real, but unconditional doesn’t happen over night. Unless it’s your children I guess. Unconditional love doesn’t mean the lack of hardships either. Unconditional love doesn’t mean that we don’t have to nourish or feed it, because love is perishable. For moments or for a lifetime.
This applies to self love, romantic love and the love you have for family and passions. They’re all tested at times. If we don’t prioritize and nourish this love, it will perish. Doubt and despair will replace it. It will hibernate. I’ve learned in my lifetime, and this might seem cynical, that self love is most important. It is the one that will keep you soft, hard and give you the most valuable lessons. It is also the love that will make sure that you look out for yourself, help you make decisions that are good for you and make sure that your life story is yours completely. It is also the love that will make you capable to love others with acceptance, non judgment and lack of remorse. It is when our self love hibernates that we give in to and accept the things in life that we don’t really want. The things that disguises themselves as the things we want. The things that we want so bad, that we embrace the lie. Self love keeps us honest. Both with ourselves and with our surroundings. Self love also calls upon acceptance. Responsibility. And the freedom choice. We don’t have to look far to find hibernated self love. It’s all around us. I’ll be bold and state that we all have had or will have hibernated self love during our lifetime, multiple times. We all fall for our own and others deceptions, and as we might think that others deceptions are most hurtful, but nothing beats the pain of self-deception. The recognition of foul play that we continuously participate in thinking that it might spare us the pain. That it will fix itself. It’s like fixing a hungover with alcohol. It’s destructive. Self love will keep us from these situations, it will keep us from staying in destructive patterns. But it needs to be nourished. So does romantic love. Love for a partner or a potential partner doesn’t flourish on its own. A good relationship doesn’t stay good by itself.
Love is perishable. It must be cared for. It must be prioritized, kept fresh and it must be consumed. If not, the bite of a rotten apple will linger and it will not be easy to replace what is spoiled.