“Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better” Dr. Steve Maraboli said. I read that today and found infinite truth in it. Come to think of it, that’s how life works. I mean, even though I don’t remember, I’m pretty sure being born is a little piece of hell. Like every great transition in life, the painful change, result in something much better. Not always right away, but down the line for sure. Pain makes us change and grow. It inspires and transform.
Yesterday I was very hurt and angry. When something cuts me deep, I tend to react with anger. Great anger. Because I care. Not necessarily for the situation itself, but on a deeper level. It changes my perspective. My values. My fundament. And these are hard things to deal with. I’m over the worst of it now. Like I wrote yesterday: it was unexpectedly expected. I knew I needed to make some changes. I’ve been dwelling on these changes for quite some time already. Close to a year actually. I’ve just been very, very lost. You see, when your life is turned upside down like mine was a couple of years ago and everything you knew suddenly became uncertain – there is a constant upward climb to be made. Not just practically in life, but the whole inner world as well. Standing in it in the moment you face hopelessness, pain, despair, desperation and shame. All the feelings we all try to avoid. I’ve come to learn that these emotions are the most valuable ones. These emotions are the force behind everything good. A fundament build on unicorns shitting rainbows seldom end up standing through the storm. They run when the thunder starts in the horizon. A good foundation is solid and that means being prepared for anything, especially the things we fear most. And how do we build that? Well, is really about the cliche of being secure in yourself, but not in the manner you might think. Its not about convincing yourself about your best self, its about facing and handling the most crucial feelings and reactions you can experience. The hard ones you usually avoid. That we are taught to avoid – and that’s a learning curve built on experience. Simply put: Stop living in flight-or-flight mode. Let things unfold, sort of speak.
My day today has been pretty good, even if I feel like my whole face is eyebrows at the moment. I went and got them tattooed you see, and damn! These things could have their own heartbeat. It kind of felt like they did too, because that was some painful shit. I’m very much looking forward to the end result, right now I wish it still was halloween-month so I could get away with it. Anyway, I also sorted out a couple of things. I had a fruity conversation with my lawyer, so things regarding my apartment is coming close to an end. Finally. After seven months of being a bit frustrated. And I actually had an epiphany – I want to learn more about business development, entrepreneurship and innovation, so I applied for some courses at university. Im quite excited about that actually, having tasted that in my work life it made me hungry for more knowledge, and I think this is what I want to work with. So fingers crossed that I get in! All that from feeling super sorry for myself yesterday. It moved me further along than I’ve moved in the past six months, where I’ve just dwelled in my existential crises without any sense of direction. As you can imagine, I feel very content at the moment. And excited about where this is heading.
I’m gonna wrap this up now: Welcome the hardship of life, it might surprise you in mysterious and wonderful ways.