Never have I ever dealt with anything more difficult than my soul.

It’s that uncomfortable feeling of the unknown. The fear of being tricked, hurt and for your heart to be mutilated. The fear of scares opening and the outline of new wounds to manifest into reality. It is the uncomfortable feeling of insecurity that makes itself present and play with matches with the intent to start a fire. A fire to ravish everything that you so carefully created, to leave you as a crumbled soul.

It is not fear itself that compose this apprehensive and anxious condition. It is the overthinking, the want and the composed ideal that you created in your mind. When want walk along side fear, insecurity comes along for the opportunity to poke a hole in your perfect castle of air. It doesn’t even have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be a lie. But it must be an ideal that you’ve built out of your wants – where the foundation is crackled so that the ghost of doubt can seep through.

It’s overwhelming. It starts a spin. If you don’t get off, your personal tornado will break everything in it’s way. But how do we do it? How do we get off?

We look inside. We search for the truth within. We listen for the calm. And we break ourselves a little. We learn and we accept that we are idealists. Maybe we even start our own fire to rid ourselves of the weeds of insecurity and unneeded, unhealthy ideas. We cry to put it out and we take time to let our foundation flourish again.

Confidence is silent. Insecurities are loud. Choose carefully whom you listen to.

x

2 Comments

  1. A certain amount of your own brashness takes much of the sting out of being hurt by someone. And then you can sometimes close that ordeal knowing that a bit of karma will equalize things…. those that hurt others will also be hurt by others. But there is balance in this. Too much brashness turns away your friends.

    If you wear your heart on your sleeve… and if you put your buttons on your chest… you can almost guarantee some jerk will punch you in the arm to see your heart bruise, and someone else will walk right up and push your buttons. All metaphors, of course.

    Some of the most beautiful trees in the world show many scars where branches broke off in heavy snow so many winters ago. Many also have charred bark where hot fires singed them. Still, some are stunted in growth, being short but thick and somewhat unruly as they reach for the stars. Yet all that are still alive will provide homes for little warm things, food and camouflage for other things and shade for little plants far below the canopy.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.